If an Age of Empires fan is ever pissing you off, just look them straight in the eye, put your left hand in the air, and start saying “Wololo” over and over. Your insane meme knowledge will stop all that talk about what a real strategy game is, and half-smilingly they will convert to your cause and begin stabbing their former best friend. Effect not guaranteed.
Age of Empires is on my mind not because of the upcoming Age of Empires 4 (here’s everything we know about it), but because Microsoft has for some reason decided to release a bunch of new merch, some of which… is actually decent? I mean, most of it’s junk with the logo on (the elephant rider tote bag was this close to being classy until they slapped the AoE2 logo on the reverse). But it looks like the people who designed a few of these items have actually played and like the games.
There’s a classier Wololo t-shirt with just the word, a Wololo mug, a “laser engraved tumbler with straw” which sounds cooler than it is and, for the refined gentleperson among us, a wine glass. If you dream of sending armies forth to battle and, as the lamentations rise from your foe’s ranks, cracking open a nice Chianti to celebrate, I guess this is the vessel to choose.
There are also a couple of fetching sherpa blankets, because even conquerors snuggle, which I only mention because they come with a description that sounds desperate for a steady relationship: “This blanket is the perfect addition to your home, it looks good and is a nice companion on cool nights.”
My favourite thing is a sweatshirt with a simple legend.
Age of Empires players will argue the toss about whether using a sheep or two to scout is a good idea or a waste of good food, but the fact is you can use sheep to scout the map, and I definitely did it all the time in AoEII. They may have been half-blind herbivores, but were always useful at highlighting when things looked baad.
I should point out that the above is a fleece, but not made from wool. Which does seem like a missed opportunity!
Somewhere in the world, someone is playing Age of Empires 4 right now.
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